Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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