I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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