Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
