How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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