Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
