i love accidental penises.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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