i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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