He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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