sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
tell me about the fingering
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