my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
