I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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