Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
should my penis look like a turkey
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
