And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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