Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
