Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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