I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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