I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
