Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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