i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
