You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
