He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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