so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
