When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
