didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
