she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
