her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
