Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
