she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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