Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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