Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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