I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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