I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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