Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
