you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
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Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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