I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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