i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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