I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
