I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
