No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
