i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
