haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
