The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
