I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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