I can't watch pbs sober anymore
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
