Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
