last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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