I accidentally burped into my bong.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
