i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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