I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
