butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
