You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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