You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
