I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
