I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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