She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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