wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
