I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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