I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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