I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
