my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
