Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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